Sometimes It Hurts

woman in sunset sad

 

She grew up happy-go-lucky, spoiled, shy. She had an imagination that was infinite, with a kaleidoscope of ideas and thoughts on creativity and just plain fun.

She was the youngest of two daughters of parents that were there for her. Her father helped her with her homework when he was home.

Her mother and her were very close.

Her family moved around a lot because of her father’s job, and making friends was more difficult than ever. Her shyness was painful. It would take her several months to make friends, the one that never spoke first.

A tomboy through grade school and into high school, she had a lot of confidence playing whatever sport was provided in PE, or in her neighborhood streets. The shyness she felt evaporated in those moments. But at school, it clung to her like a blood-sucking leech.

She hated school, and her grades began to plummet in junior high and continued through her senior year of high school.

The bond between her mother and her started to fray in junior high school and throughout her adult years. At the same time she was bullied in junior high, made fun of, with hurtful words that dug into her very being and stayed there for twenty-five years, her mother added to the hurt.

Teens and parents have their clashes, but this did not happen between her and her father. He continued to help her in high school and support her, encouraged her to keep making an effort in her school work.

Eventually, after much verbal abuse for twenty plus years, she finally distanced herself from her mother, which was okayed and advised by her priest.

It took her over twenty-five years to realize she wasn’t stupid and that she was worth something.

So, when harsh words were said to her in the usual way they were, she learned to let it roll off of her, not allowing it to penetrate her heart.

Since then, for the most part, her relationship with her mother had become stabilized and seemed cordial. There were moments where glimpses of the mother she knew when she was a young girl peeked through like a hole in a cave that let in a pinpoint of sunlight, when there was true warmth and lovingness between her mother and her.

But sometimes, that indifference shield would slip, and the attacks would strike, and she would feel the pain, but not in the same way she had as a teen or younger adult.

She would keep her mouth closed and let the mean words pass because she knew that’s just how her mother was.

However, the shield slipped again within the last twenty-four hours, and she wondered if she wanted to make the effort to talk to her mother again. A couple of her mother’s comments were, as usual, mean, and she nearly said something mean back to her. But she kept her mouth shut. Figured it would cause more trouble to retort in a similar fashion than to just let the insults go.

Does this still make her that young teenaged girl who took the verbal attacks and believed everything her mother said to be the truth about her? That she was selfish, she was stupid, she was scatterbrained, she wouldn’t make anything out of her life.

No.

She knew now, after two years of therapy and graduating from college, that she was not stupid or scatterbrained. That she had made something of her life in taking care of her two sons and working at being a decent wife to her husband, and striving toward a closer relationship with God. That she wasn’t totally selfish, although, sometimes she was. Was there anyone that wasn’t at least a tiny bit?

However, she wasn’t and isn’t all those insulting and hurtful descriptions.

Between pride and low self-esteem, it is a challenge. And she tries hard to be the person God created her to be. To cooperate with His will, to become transformed into a true human being sharing the Light and Love of Christ.

Sometimes it feels like she’s in a hamster wheel, getting nowhere on this spiritual journey, but she won’t give up.

As she has in the last decade, she will continue to show kindness to her mother and keep the protective shield over her heart whenever the stinging arrows of harsh words fly toward her.

After all, she loves her mother, no matter what. Loves her sister and father. She will always be a part of them.

 

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The Skinny

(courtesy FF Channel via YouTube)

While scrolling through my Twitter feed this morning, for some reason, the newest spring/summer 2020 fashion collection by Christian Dior video popped up and instantly played while it rolled down the computer screen. I stopped and studied each of the models and their outfits.

Now, before I go any further, I think the last time I ever looked at any type of models showing whatever the new fashions were for the season or year, was probably in my twenties. Since then, if I caught any strange styles in magazines while waiting in doctors’ or dentists’ offices back in my 30s and even perhaps a couple in my 40s, I would shake my head at the absolutely ridiculous and ugly pieces displayed on the glossy pages. I wasn’t impressed with the strange concoction of materials the designers managed to sew together into their supposed masterpieces.

So, if you’re a fan of fashion shows and trends and styles are your thing, you probably won’t get much out of this blog post because I’m about to share my problems with what I saw this morning.

I’ll start with I’d forgotten how terribly skinny the models are. Yes, I remember this has been an issue for several decades, but this show brought it all back to my consciousness.

I found that the majority of the models looked the same, but most especially their body types. They all looked at least 20-30 pounds underweight, their faces a bit taunt, some even looking malnourished. It was actually painful to watch.

One of the models had on a dress/skirt just above her knobby knees, and Lord, have mercy, she practically had match sticks for legs.

Their facial expressions, which I assume are supposed to be expressionless, looked a bit zombie-like.

I thought to myself, these poor young women need to gain at least twenty pounds. Their hips looked like they were about to shatter into pieces as they walked in those exaggerated strides.

The designer might as well have carried out the dresses on hangers, because that’s the image I got of these women’s forms.

Now, in the midst of my concern and genuine surprise and disgust, the styles weren’t really that bad, considering the ones I mentioned I’d seen in my younger years. There were some actual classy looking dresses, with a feeling of a throwback to the 1940s and 1950s beautiful, flowing gowns. I liked the predominantly gold clothing.

BUT… there has to come a day when the modeling agencies need to stop starving their models into near death to slip on the designers’ clothes. I feel it is completely unrealistic, unnatural, and frankly, not very attractive. It only promotes anorexia and bulimia, and those diseases destroy lives.

Give those girls some healthy food with a good amount of protein and calories enough that they actually look healthy and not like they’re ready to keel over at any minute, crumbling into dust.

For the love of everything precious in life, let the young women be healthy!

 

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Weary Words

frustrated dude looking at computer

Do you ever have those moments where you’re sitting on the couch watching the news, or you’re driving around doing errands, and the news or social commentaries come on, and a certain group of trendy words in the news realm have rolled through like a tidal wave?

Maybe watching a TV show and the popular, trendy words are shot out of the mouths of the actors, perpetuating those same words over and over again?

Or maybe you’re checking out your Facebook or Twitter newsfeed (where it’s the worst), and those same words are splattered all over the screen tenfold? Most likely even trending on Twitter.

At first, maybe you thought, “Okay, I can understand their using this or that word to describe their emotions, opinions, thoughts, whatever on a particular subject.”

But at some point, if you’ve been hearing these “In” words for several months, maybe even longer and you’re like me, irritation kicks in, no matter your feelings on the topics being discussed and even agreeing a majority of the time with those using those particularly tiresome words.

So, I thought I’d mention a few that have reached the tipping point for me that I’m thinking, “Okay, enough. Let it go, drop this language and move on, for God’s sake.”

And one of them is just so juvenile and stupid, it’s not even run its course, and I’m sick of it already (hint: it’s the first one on the list below).

Here are some of them off the top of my head:

CANCELLED

PUSH BACK

MISOGYNIST

SNOWFLAKE

NARCISSIST

SEXIST

WHITE PRIVILEGE

DISAPPEAR (in wrong grammatical usage)

…and the worst one of all:

W O K E 

 

stressed out woman pulling hair

Look, I get people are frustrated, and they want to express their frustration or anger. As I said, generally, I have agreed with a majority of these people on certain issues. But really, it’s done hopped on that beaten horse, and rode it to death.

Of course, what words will replace these? Probably other tiresome words. Haha.

I’m sure there are many other words that didn’t come to me while typing this blog post. Maybe you know of some I didn’t mention that have reached aggravation levels for you, as well. Feel free to add, if you wish. After all, it’s just a little venting. 🙂

 

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